


Mamihlapinatapei

by nightvesper



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: College, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 09:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8973859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightvesper/pseuds/nightvesper
Summary: Tommy and Merton's relationship has been growing ever since they started rooming together in college, but neither of them will make a move. When Merton is attacked by a group of vampires and winds up in the hospital Tommy fears he might have waited too long.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mamihlapinatapei - A Yaghan word meaning: "a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that neither one wants to start."

 

It was business as usual, just another vampire gang causing trouble at a local blood bank. Tommy threatened them, ordering them to pack up and leave and they did. Everything was going well until Merton took a late night drive out to rent a movie and never returned back to the dorm. After some time passed Tommy guessed he’d stopped at the grocery store; Merton had been complaining about running out of Yoo-Hoo for the last week. But after calling his cell phone and reaching his voicemail over and over, Tommy began to fear the worst. He ran out into the night tracking the scent of his best friend. He shouldn’t have let him go out alone.

When Tommy reached the video store he found the hearse in the empty parking lot. The headlights were still on and the door was ajar, but no one was inside. Tommy pulled the keys out of the ignition and slammed the door shut. A wash of cold terror swept over him when he scented fear and blood on the air. _Where was Merton?_

He heard the sound of cackling as the vampires approached. There were five of them and one carried something in its arms. A body. All of the air left Tommy’s lungs. Merton wasn’t moving. Blood dripped from his brow and neck, and his legs dangled uselessly over the arm of his attacker.

A blind rage ripped through the werewolf’s system to an intensity he’d never experienced. Something inside him burst forth; the wolf demanded control over his body, his vision flashing red before going black and he lost all ability to think.

When Tommy finally came back to himself all of the vampires were gone. He didn’t know what happened or how long he’d been out of it, only that he hadn’t had a conscious thought since witnessing his best friend in danger. A copper tang clung to his lips. He wiped his mouth and spat a gritty mixture of ash and rancid black blood onto the ground. He didn’t want to think about what it meant. Nothing else was important in that moment besides Merton.

Tommy rushed over to the man now sprawled out on the concrete. He could hear Merton’s heart beating, faint and slow. The solitary sign of life offered little comfort; he’d been badly beaten.

 “Merton? Merton!” Tommy shook him by the shoulder.

Merton was unresponsive, not giving as much as a twitch to acknowledge Tommy’s attempt to rouse him. Panicked, the werewolf gathered the limp body into his arms, laid him down in the hearse and sped away.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

They reached the nearest hospital within minutes. Tommy parked the hearse and picked Merton up again. His heart pounded as he rushed to the entrance doors. He nearly barged inside, barely stopping in time to remember he hadn’t unwolfed yet.

Cradling Merton, Tommy pressed his back against the outside wall as he tried reciting one of the poems the goth gave him before going off to college. It wasn’t helping. It only reminded him of the pain of losing him for those three weeks he feared would be forever. Merton was here with him now and this wouldn’t be the end of it; he wouldn’t let it be. Tommy choked back tears and buried his head in Merton’s chest, breathing in the scent of him. There was still far too much between them, too much left unsaid, and he’d hunt down Death himself if he took Merton before they had a chance. That conviction gave him strength and Tommy felt his claws slowly retract, his body turning human once again. One last steadying breath of Merton’s aftershave centered him, and he ran through the front doors.

“Help! Please, I need help!”

A doctor responded to his shouts, rushing to grab a gurney. She helped Tommy lay Merton down as another nurse ran to assist her. The werewolf noted once again how pallid he looked, how fragile. Merton still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“What happened? Was he conscious when you found him?” she asked.

“He was out cold when I got there. Some va –  some guys beat him up.”

“Does he have any allergies?”

Tommy’s nose wrinkled in confusion. “Cats?”

“Allergies to _medication_? I need to put him on antibiotics,” she demanded impatiently.

Tommy might have been embarrassed if he could process anything beyond panic. “Oh uh, no? No. Is he going to be okay? What can I do?”

“I don’t know yet. There’s nothing you can do right now except let us work. Are you family?”

“Yes,” he said, not thinking twice about his response. “Yes, he’s family.”

“Okay, I need you to wait here and – ”

“No I can’t!” Tommy interrupted. “I can’t leave him!”

The doctor’s face hardened and her tone was stern. “If you want to help him you’ll let us do our job. Wait in the lobby and we’ll call you.”

The wolf protested and Tommy barely held back the possessive snarl that threatened to emerge, watching in helpless silence as the doctor took Merton away from him, pushing past the set of double doors to the ER and left him standing in the hallway.

It seemed more like a dreamscape than a physical location. The white on white of the tile and walls and the overpowering miasma of scents added to the unpleasant ambiance. The smell of people and chemicals and blood and…a sensation of dread overtook him as the wolf scented something else on the air. Death. Decay. Both masked over by perfumes and disinfectant but inescapable to his nose. This place was covered in it. It consumed it. 

Overwhelmed, Tommy staggered into the waiting room, and as bile rose within him he sat down in the nearest chair. The din of sounds and feelings became muffled and distorted as though he’d fallen underwater. Numbness followed swiftly as Tommy’s eyes traced the colorful brushstrokes of an abstract painting on the far wall.

After a time a clerk from the front desk came by with paperwork. He accepted the papers with unsteady hands. The words on the page blurred and it took a while for him to understand what they meant. The clerk put her hand to his shoulder and said something that he didn’t quite hear. He concentrated, filled out the papers as best he could and handed them back to her.

Once he was able to collect his thoughts he called Merton’s parents. With a nonchalance that chilled him they simply asked that he call back tomorrow, not during dinner hours if there was an update, and with a click the line went dead. Desperate for support, Tommy’s next action was to call Lori, but he could only reach her answering machine. He left a message saying Merton was in the hospital and begging her to call back as soon as possible.

***

After what felt like an eternity the doctor showed back up. Tommy’s legs wobbled as he stood to greet her.

“Is – is he…” Tommy began to ask. His voice faltered.

Her stern countenance softened and he saw pity in her eyes. Tommy’s heart sank.

“Your…brother?” the doctor asked curiously.

Tommy opened his mouth to correct her, but immediately thought better of it. His mouth snapped shut and he nodded.

“He’s stable, but he lost a lot of blood and I'm worried about his head wound. We will know more about his condition once he wakes.”

“Can I see him?” Tommy asked weakly.

She nodded and he followed her directions to the room.

They’d removed Merton’s clothing and dressed him in a thin, powder blue hospital gown. In the fluorescent light and without the cover of his button-down shirt Tommy could better see the damage done to him. Deep gashes formed red rivers over his skin – no longer porcelain but a ghastly white – the effect of which was broken up by the rich purple of new bruises. He had multiple fang marks down his neck, and his body was still.

Tommy’s breath hitched. He grabbed a blanket off the windowsill and wrapped it around Merton, tucking it in before collapsing into the chair next to the bed. How had he let this happen?

The hours blurred together. Tommy didn’t know how long he waited, watching for any signs of life stirring within him.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

The morning sunlight streaked through the blinds into the little room. As Merton attempted to turn away from the light a searing pain ripped through his body. Gasping, he opened his eyes and tried to gain his bearings. He was in a hospital – that much was obvious. And he felt weak.

It took a moment for his memories to resurface. After all, there wasn’t a lot to remember. One moment he’d pulled into the video store parking lot and the next he was being yanked out of the car. Before he could even react he was restrained face down on the cement as a barrage of kicks and punches fell upon him. Once he was too injured to fight back he was lifted up and fed off of. A sharp blow to the head knocked him out and that was it.

When he moved to raise his arm he found himself held fast. Tommy was asleep next to him, his hand holding his, and his head resting on the bed next to Merton’s shoulder. Despite the pain, Merton’s heart leapt at the other man’s touch.

“Merton?” Tommy mumbled, his head slowly rising and his voice raspy with sleep.

“Good morning.”

Tommy sat upright. His hazel eyes went wide and he was awake in an instant. “Merton! You’re awake!” He squeezed the goth’s hand more firmly, taking both of their hands into his free one and raising them to press against his mouth.

A shy smile passed over Merton’s face as Tommy’s lips brushed over his hand. “Yeah, but more importantly, how’s my hair?” he asked, attempting levity.

Tommy glanced up to Merton’s hair which was messy and matted with dried blood and snorted. “Come on, Merton, this is serious. You could have died.”

Merton grinned back at him. “I’ve died before. I know you’d bring me back.”

“You put a lot of faith in me,” Tommy said, smiling.

“I’ve never had any reason to doubt you. I know you’re there for me.” Merton meant it. Tommy had brought him back from the dead on more than one occasion. And as far as saving his life he’d done that too – in more ways than one. Not just from the everyday monsters they faced, but from loneliness and mediocrity. Tommy elevated his life to be one of meaning and happiness at a time he believed there was no hope for him. In a way, Tommy gave him life just by existing, and he loved him for it.

Tommy’s smile faded slowly as something occurred to him. “I called your parents and told them you were in the hospital but they didn’t...” his voice trailed off.

_Typical._ Merton kept his expression carefully blank; Tommy looked distraught enough as it was. “And Becky?” Merton asked carefully.

Tommy shook his head. “Your parents hung up before I could talk to her.”

Merton sighed and nodded. At least she was just out of the loop and not avoiding him. “But you’re here,” he pointed out.

“Of course I’m here, Merton. Where else would I be?” He stroked Merton’s hand that he was still holding. Tommy’s eyes were so warm and sincere it was physically painful. Earning that look from his best friend was almost worth all of this. Merton’s heart ached for being so close to him, feeling his hands against his own.

“I thought you might be out kicking some vampire ass for me,” Merton replied, half in jest, but some part of him was still nervous about the prospect of the vampires still existing out there to torment him again.

“I think they’re dead.”

“Wait, you – you _think_ they’re dead? You don’t know?” The pitch of Merton’s voice climbed higher as he began to panic. He squirmed in the bed, trying to sit upright.

Tommy let go of Merton’s hand and pushed down firmly on his chest to settle him. “Merton, they’re dead. I’m sure of it.”

“But you just said – ”

“I know what I said,” Tommy replied sheepishly. “When I wolfed out I kind of like, lost track of time and blacked out. I don’t remember what happened, but I know I killed them. I had blood and ash in my mouth. It was disgusting.”

Merton let himself lay back in the bed at the quarterback’s urging, but he still frowned in concern. “You blacked out? Tommy, a werewolf losing their conscious mind while – ”

“I _know_ , Merton. But I don’t think it was like that. It – the wolf – wasn’t evil; it was protective. Like, it took over when I saw the vampire had you, and gave me back the wheel once I had you and you were safe from them.”

Merton blinked at him. He wondered if Tommy understood the implication of what he was saying. The look on his face made Merton think maybe he did.

Their relationship of late had been becoming more intense. It was an almost tangible longing, the tension between them monumental. It started the moment Merton arrived at State U and grew steadily in the following months. Their touches lingered a little bit longer. Their words were a little sweeter. While they weren’t _technically_ sharing a bed, they would often ‘accidentally’ fall asleep while laying together watching movies and ‘forget’ to move until the next morning.

They sat in silence for a long moment before Merton couldn’t stand it any longer. He reached for Tommy’s face and ran his thumb over the chiseled cheekbone. Tommy’s eyes bore into him, just starting to turn golden. Merton broke the eye contact first, his gaze trailing down to settle on Tommy’s mouth.

“Tommy, do you think…” Merton trailed off.

 “Yeah, Mert?” Tommy asked, his voice rougher than usual. It sent a shiver down Merton’s spine.

Merton bit his lip and shook his head, unable to complete his thought. He was ashamed of his own cowardice. Tommy clearly had feelings for him too, so there wasn't even a good reason to hold back now.

Tommy sighed and nodded, the disappointment evident in his voice. “We should call the doctor to see about getting you released.”

***

When the doctor arrived back, she made Merton perform a few tests to check his cognitive functioning and then authorized his release for later that night.

Merton was relieved to see home again, for that was what he’d come to think of the dorm as. More so than his parent’s house had ever been. The Lair may have been his refuge from the world, but no matter how many things he filled it with it always had an air of emptiness. This little room he shared with Tommy was the only place he’d felt truly at home.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Tommy awoke to the sound of screaming. Disoriented, he bolted upright in bed, frantically groping around in the darkness for his table lamp. He jumped out of bed and rushed to the Merton’s side.

“Merton?” He shook the other man.

Merton was still asleep, covered in a sheen of sweat, and his body thrashed underneath the blankets. Tears poured from his tightly-closed eyes and he cried out again. This wasn’t the first night terror Tommy had witnessed him having.

“Wake up!” Tommy shook him forcefully by the shoulders. “Merton, wake up!”

Merton awoke gasping. His eyes darted around the room as he tried to scan for a non-existent threat.

Tommy placed his hand to the other man’s cheek and wiped away the tears that were falling. “You okay?”

Merton gulped a breath of air in an effort to steady himself. He grabbed the hand from his cheek and clung to it. “I dreamt about the vampires. What they did…” his voice shook.

Tommy frowned sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Merton.” He tried to pull away, but Merton had a vice grip on his hand. “It’s your first night back and you really need to rest,” he argued when Merton wouldn’t release him.

“Would you – would you stay with me?” Merton’s sky blue eyes were watery and vulnerable.

Tommy found himself climbing into the bed with him without a thought. Merton curled up against his body, his fingers clung to the front of Tommy’s t-shirt and he buried his head in the werewolf’s chest. Tommy wrapped his arms around him and held him close, rubbing his hands down the goth’s back.

***

The next night was the same. Merton’s terrified screams woke Tommy and he had to climb into the bed with him again to help him sleep. Once he was there Merton slept through the night, only waking in the morning when Tommy brought him breakfast.

The third night Merton didn’t need to ask. When he began to drift off to sleep in the middle of a Twilight Zone marathon, Tommy carried him from the couch to his bed and lay down next to him. Merton smiled and ran his hand over the werewolf’s chest tenderly. “Good night, Tommy,” he whispered before his eyes closed.

Tommy lay awake for hours watching Merton sleep. This time Merton had no nightmares, he didn’t as much as stir. He’d happily offer Merton any comfort he could. After almost losing him, this was as healing to Tommy as it was to Merton to have him close and safe in his arms.

***

When Tommy awoke they were still tangled together. Merton was sleeping peacefully at his side, breathing softly, his leg up and over Tommy’s thigh and his arm draped over his stomach.

Tommy smoothed a strand of hair off his face. Merton was healing up pretty fast considering. Only a few of his bruises still looked troubling, and all of the deeper cuts were either bandaged or stitched neatly together. Merton blinked up at him, holding onto his shirt as if afraid he would move. “Just…give me a minute,” he begged, laying his head on Tommy’s chest.

Tommy couldn’t hold it in much longer. Merton had to know how he felt. He placed a finger up under Merton’s chin and lifted his head to face him. “Merton…” his voice rumbled, coming out deeper than he expected.

Merton’s eyes widened and dilated as he caught the werewolf’s intense gaze. “Yeah?” he asked, almost nervously.

“I – ” Tommy groaned in frustration, the words not forming. He needed it to mean more somehow and couldn’t figure out how to say it properly.

Tommy decided to go for broke. He leaned in slowly, never breaking eye contact and giving his friend plenty of time to back away if he chose. Merton didn’t. His eyes closed right before Tommy’s lips pressed against his. He whimpered against Tommy’s mouth, lips parting to deepen the kiss, fingers clutching greedily to his chest to drag him closer. A year's worth of desperate longing was poured into that single kiss and they both stopped breathing.

Tommy’s heart nearly burst at Merton’s easy acceptance of him. The goth smelled of home, and comfort, and desire. The werewolf wanted nothing but to bury himself in the scent, to keep kissing him, to feel Merton’s hands sliding over his body and never to stop. But Tommy forced himself to all too soon, needing to make sure they were both on the same page.

Merton sighed breathily, his eyes half-lidded as Tommy pulled away.

Tommy bit his lip, pausing a moment before the words came. “I love you.”

“God, Tommy, I love you so much. Please tell me this is real and I didn’t die three days ago or fall into a coma or something,” he answered, expression euphoric. His hand moved to caress the stubble of Tommy’s cheek.

Nothing could express the joy Tommy felt in that moment. He wrapped his hand over Merton’s, nuzzling into it. “It’s real, Merton. I’ve wanted to be with you for a long time. I’m sorry it took me almost losing you to figure out how much.”

Merton beamed. “You really want to date me?”

“I don’t want to date you. I want to marry you.” He hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud, but the words slipped out before Tommy could hold them in. His earnest smile fell off his face and he blanched at Merton’s dropped jaw, nervous he’d frightened him away after finally getting him.

Merton sat up. He didn’t look upset…exactly. Or even alarmed by the idea. Tommy couldn’t quite decipher what he was feeling, and apparently neither could Merton. Tommy waited with baited breath for some kind of verdict. It was too late to take the words back now that he’d blurted them out. Merton’s face ran through a whole spectrum of emotions before settling on a laugh of hysterical disbelief. “We haven’t even dated!”

It was already out there so Tommy figured he might as well explain himself. It couldn’t hurt at this point. He took a deep breath. “After you moved back from Germany… this last year… if we weren’t dating what were we doing? We live together, Merton. Half the stuff we own I don’t even know if it’s yours or mine. Every Friday for the last year has been us going out to dinner and back home to watch movies on your bed, snuggling, just the two of us. If that’s not a date, what is it?”

Merton’s eyes were huge and glassy. “I thought our Friday nights were because you didn’t want me to embarrass you in front of your other friends.”

Tommy frowned. “It was because I didn’t want to share you with them. Merton, we – we even sleep together. I wake up with your head on my chest and your thigh between my legs and are you going to tell me that’s normal friend stuff? We’ve _been_ _together_ for a long time. For a lot longer than these last three days.”

Merton licked his lips avoiding Tommy’s gaze, his face turning pink. He ignored the question. “There are things we haven't…”

“Like what? We’ve met each other’s families. We live together fine. We love each other.”

Merton’s expression softened. “True.”

“But?”

“We h-haven’t e-even had a physical relationship yet. You just kissed me for the first time today. What if we’re not…compatible?”

Tommy was confused. “Merton, I already know you’re attracted to me. Every time I change in our room you stare at me, and I can hear your heart pounding from across the room.”

The pink tinge in Merton’s cheeks darkened to vermilion. “If you knew that then why did you keep changing in front of me?”

Tommy gave a sly smile. “Because I knew you liked it."

“Yeah, but you – Tommy, you’re hot! Of course _I’m_ attracted to you. But I meant…what if _you_ don’t like…” Merton’s voice trailed off in embarrassment.

“You mean like...sexual preferences?” Tommy asked, even more confused, “Because I think my preference would be taking you to bed instead of this,” he indicated his right hand and wiggled his fingers to make the point. “The rest is details.”

Merton made a noise at that, something between a laugh at Tommy’s crassness and a choked groan at the suggestive intent.

Tommy was starting to get the picture: Merton wasn’t having doubts about him; he was insecure about himself. He decided to take a different route. “Besides, Merton, I’ve already seen you naked. Remember in the cafeteria when you were invisible until you suddenly weren’t?” There was a touch of humor in the werewolf’s voice, but his eyes were turning yellow and sharpening. “I thought you looked really good.”

“Yeah?” Merton asked breathlessly.

Tommy grinned. “Oh yeah. Been wanting to see you again ever since that day. But you never change in front of me.”

“It’s difficult to hide a hard-on from you when I’m naked,” Merton grumbled.

Tommy snorted with laughter. Merton’s serious face broke into a grin and he chuckled with him, their laughter breaking some of the tension.

The smile didn’t leave Merton’s face. “Tommy you - you really want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life?”

“It’s not much of a life otherwise. I don’t ever want to lose you again,” Tommy replied. After a slight pause his eyes dropped from Merton’s and he shrugged his shoulder in a feigned nonchalance. “You don’t have to answer that right now. We can, you know, date for a while. I don’t want to like, freak you out or something. I’m sorry if I’m moving too fast. It’s just…I’ve known for so long that I loved you that it doesn’t feel fast to me.”

Tears were beginning to form in Merton’s eyes and his mouth softened into a small, loving smile that was so different from his usual toothy grin. “Tommy, I _do_ want…I don’t ever want to lose you either. I love you so much I – Yes, I want to marry you."

Tommy could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Really?!"

"Yes, really!" Merton exclaimed.

Tommy grabbed Merton and kissed him passionately, overwhelmed in blissful contentment. _At long last._

 

 


	5. Epilogue

They spent the rest of the day in bed in pajamas, not moving except to shower and eat breakfast together. But that had been several hours ago. Now that they had each other, neither could stand to be parted from the other for more than a few moments. They talked for hours in between kisses and gentle caresses about their relationship and what they wanted to do now that they were together. 

“We should get rid of one of the beds," Tommy said. "Then we’d have room for an entertainment system. Some speakers, maybe a new console…”

Merton grinned. “Fine, but we’re keeping this one,” he indicated the bed they were laying in. “It’s nicer than yours."

Tommy looked down at the bed before turning to Merton, eyes tingeing yellow. "Only because we haven't broken this one in yet."

Merton could feel his heart beating faster at the suggestion. Despite his nerves there was nothing he could think of that he wanted more. He licked his lips. "We can. If you want to."

"Pretty sure I want to," Tommy breathed. And for what might have been the hundredth time that day Merton found Tommy's mouth on his. His lips were soft, but this kiss was more heated than the others had been. Merton was instantly with the program. He licked his way into the werewolf's mouth and caressed Tommy's tongue with his own. Tommy groaned and pulled him harder against himself. Merton whimpered at the sound, his leg drawing up between Tommy's.

_Knock knock knock_

They both turned toward the source of the interruption, briefly considering their front door before they resumed kissing.

_Knock KNOCK KNOCK_

They both paused again.

“It’s probably just the RA doing inspections,” Tommy whispered. “They’ll come back later if we don’t answer.”

“But what if – ” Merton trailed off as Tommy captured his mouth again, pinning him back onto the bed. Merton’s hand wound up into his hair, the other digging into the hard muscles of Tommy’s back as he settled his weight on top of him. Merton smiled against the werewolf’s mouth, obliging him and forgetting what he’d been about to say. He found himself getting lost in the kiss and in Tommy’s wandering hands. Neither of them noticed when the door swung open until they heard a voice.

“Oh my god!” Lori Baxter was standing in their bedroom with the bobby pin she’d used to pick their lock in her hand.

Tommy jerked upright like he’d been stung, clambering to get off of Merton.

Merton snapped out of his lust-filled haze in an instant. “Lori!” He sought out the comforter beneath them and threw it up over himself and Tommy. “What the hell?!”

“You should have called!” Tommy exclaimed, wide-eyed.

“Called?! You left a message on my phone days ago saying Merton was in the hospital and then _nothing_. I called you back like forty times and you never answered so I drove here! From _Havermill!_ For all I knew Merton was dead! You left me totally in the dark!”

“You were worried about me?” A grin broke over Merton’s face. Tommy frowned at him, shifting underneath the blanket to try to cover them both better.

“ _Was_ ,” Lori snapped. “You two are unbelievable!”

“Lori are you…are you okay with this?” Tommy asked nervously.

Lori glared back at the werewolf. “With you two in a relationship? Oh, please, I knew the moment Merton transferred schools you’d hook up. Took you long enough. But with you forgetting about me and making me worry? Not even a little bit! What's next, you'll get engaged and won't bother telling be about it?"

Merton and Tommy shared a guilty expression. 

"Well actually..." Merton started, raising a finger in the air.

Lori's jaw dropped. "Mazel tov," she sneered.

"It just happened today, Lori. I swear! Look, I'm sorry about the phone. I must have left it at the hospital or something," Tommy added hastily.

Lori turned towards the door. “I’m going to the snack bar. I’ll be back here in twenty minutes and you’d both better have clothes on. We are going to have a talk about this!" Lori left, slamming the door behind her and causing some of the jars on Merton’s shelves to rattle.

Tommy cleared his throat. “So…do you think twenty minutes is enough time to finish what we started?”

“I think it’s worth an attempt,” Merton grinned wickedly and pulled Tommy back on top of him.


End file.
